Thursday, January 14, 2010

Toilet Turbulance


I am writing this 10100m above the ground going roughly 1000kms per hour! How cool am I? Don’t answer that, I know. It’s 2.44am local time, which is now L.A time, but I have no idea how long I’ve been awake or when I should or shouldn’t be sleeping since I left home at least 30 hours ago now. According to the little map on the screen in the back of the seat in front of me (say that 10 times fast) we are heading directly to Hawaii! Which I’m pleased about since the pilot said that was the plan, so looks like he’s doing a good job.

I’m writing in the air for a few reasons. Firstly, I’m bored. Secondly, I’m so tired I feel gross but there are a million crying babies on this flight, and thirdly, I’ve already watched the same Sandra Bullock crossword movie one and a half times, and I can’t be bothered concentrating on my book.

So far I have left Melbourne, spent a ridiculously long time in transit in Fiji, which is an awesome place, but seriously, go in Winter, it was SO HOT, it was more the humidity that got to me, it made me scared for Florida’s 100% humidity, I could barely function, but it could have seemed worse because I was also so tired.

Finally I am on the plane to L.A, then a 6 hour stop over there and a 2 hour flight to Vancouver if all goes to plan.

Just really started to notice the security had been upped as I was leaving Fiji, every single person got their whole bag searched, as well as a full on pat down (this isn’t a tame one people, there is spreading involved, both sides. Just sayin’). We got told once we were on the plane we aren’t allowed to congregate around the bathrooms. Haha. Seems funny but I can see the reasoning behind it, I just hope they extra security doesn’t make me miss my connecting, I need a real bed already!

Speaking of bathrooms, does anyone else seem to notice that the turbulence always gets the worst just when you’re locked in the bathroom about to use the toilet. Its happened to me twice already on this flight. Actually as I type this we’re heading into a rough patch (but I’m not typing this from the toilet, don’t worry!). It’s been pretty bumpy and its supposed to get worse a few hours out from L.A, but I’m getting better at ignoring it, I don’t scream ‘WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!’ anymore anyway, just some minor hyperventilation.

For someone who is mildly scared of flying (as someone who claims to be an atheist I have turned to God in times of severe turbulence, or just when I think the squeaking of the snack cart coming down the aisle is actually the sound of a wing detaching) flying Air Pacific was probably not the best choice. Don’t get me wrong, it’s been great, really good food too surprisingly, it’s just the planes are OLD! Like… really old. When my travel consultant told me they used Qantas planes I thought he meant they borrow current ones. I think what he actually meant is they use the original planes Qantas had when flying was first invented. My first flight didn’t have a working intercom, and I’m almost positive the ‘fasten seatbelt’ signs quit working halfway through the flight. There was a lot of ‘fasten seatbelt’ dinging, with no seatbelt light coming on, is all I’m saying. This one isn’t too bad in the interior, but I really wish I hadn’t looked at the outside while I was boarding, I may have seen duct tape fastening a wing (not really but close enough). The way you can tell they are really old though, is that they have ashtrays in the armrests. For those of you who do not travel by plane, you know a plane is old when they have ashtrays, since smoking hasn’t been allowed on planes in a long, long, long time, possibly longer than I’ve been alive, so I’m guessing this plane is approx 30 years old.

I’ve met so many Americans already, and they all have different accent! How confusing. I plan to have mastered recognising which region they are all from by the end of the year. I’ve already had to explain to one group that Australia Day is more of a ‘piss up and BBQ!’ than a fun family gathering day, I don’t think they were very impressed.

I’ve been walking around since I left sure that everyone is deaf since everytime I say something, they go ‘WHAT!?’. Then I realised they actually can’t understand my accent, which is an EXTREMELY fun novelty. I love being the foreigner already.

Anyway I better go as my laptop is telling me I only have a couple of minutes of battery left, but I’ll leave you with some airport highlights:

Little kids speaking French = AWWW!!!!

Obese men who’s accents sound to my untrained ears, to be American (look at me being all PC!), complaining about their diabetes, then eating Milo bars.

An American lady talking about how Emu’s are the most dangerous birds on earth and how they can jump really high and claw your face off.

Sorry this post had no mention of Disney, but I’ll be there soon enough and then you will be sick of hearing about it!

Uh oh… it’s getting bumpy again…

Have a Magical day/night/whatever the hell time it is right now.

1 comment:

  1. You crack me up. The BRAND NEW A380 I caught precisely a year ago from Sydney to Singapore has Ashtrays in the bathroom....

    It's legal on some middle eastern flights and because those airlines buy brand new planes well.. you get it.

    PS. No DVT = No Manu.